Retrospection Post Resignation
I had a call with a business mentor today to discuss my resignation from my former company. I’m so unclear about what to do next. It’s only been a couple weeks, but I feel panicked and out of sorts. I’m so used to go, go, going and I feel…unsettled…about not knowing what my next career move will be.
My mentor challenged me to sit down, contemplate a couple questions, and write. Everyone has been telling me that I need to write lately, and maybe it’s time I heed the advice. He suggested I spend time thinking about what I care most about.
I care about a lot of things.
What I care most about are my kids. First and foremost. Raising good humans and well-adjusted adults has always been my priority and is especially so in this next chapter of our lives. I love them so very much, and I have always tried to do my best. But, until recently, my best didn’t always include being a present mom – both physically and mentally. So whatever happens over these next six years (that’s how much longer they will be in the house with me), I will be unapologetically present. Ideally, I will work during school hours on the weeks I have them, and then work longer hours when they are with Josh.
Priority #1 and the thing I care most about: kids. Unfortunately, being a great mom doesn’t pay the bills.
My mentor also suggested I focus on answering these specific questions:
What matters to me?
What do I like doing?
Where do I want to go?
What matters to me?
Well, I’ve always cared passionately about socioeconomically disadvantaged children. And I have a business idea that I would like to build to close that gap and create equal opportunities for ALL children. It involves a platform that incentivizes parents to create new ways of accountability for their kids through academics, sports, educational endeavors, etc. I love the idea, but my gut tells me it’s more of a philanthropic endeavor meant for me to build in my 50’s.
I also care deeply about my spirituality. I care about having the time to access meditation and introspection, and contemplating the deeper meaning of my life and my purpose in humanity. I cherish any opportunity I get to open my heart’s desires, trust my soul purpose, and activate on it.
What do I like doing?
I like building teams. I like leading. I like working. I like thinking and writing. I like being a thought leader. I like problem solving and creating solutions to help teams/businesses/products grow. I like facilitating connections. I like connecting dots. I like uniting groups/teams. I like money. I like growing money. I like forecasting and working backwards. I like strategy – building, creating, implementing. I like making hard decisions and critical thinking. I like building culture and collaborative teams. I like putting the pieces of puzzles together.
I like mentoring people, men and women, and helping them reach their full potential. As women, we often don’t trust ourselves. We submit to the louder voice, both externally and internally. We are often overlooked because we are too scared to say what’s really on our minds. In school, we don’t raise our hands. When entering the workforce, we worry we aren’t “right” or fully skilled for a job, so we don’t throw our hat in the ring.
You know what I say? F*** that.
I could create a social impact org for mentoring. I could create something positive, gracious, and loving. Women deserve support, solutions, and the space to figure it all out. And every person deserves the opportunity to fulfill their highest divine purpose/destiny. Every person deserves to find and engage in that purpose and to love their decisions.
Random, but I also like building houses. I really enjoy the project process. I like that there is a beginning, a middle and an end. I like the design and creativity of it. I like collaborating with the different trades and teams. I like knowing how to capitalize on real estate. And I like that real estate values almost always appreciate.
I *think* my path will be something that combines spiritual healing, women, mentoring, and careers…like executive coach on steroids meets technology meets badass.
How about just a powerful woman who owns who she is, and is unapologetic about the moves she makes, unapologetic about standing up for what is right and fair, and unapologetic about the way she dresses, speaks, acts, communicates, etc.?
Where do I want to go?
I don’t know why but I’ve always had this pull or tug that I’m supposed to do something more. Something bigger. Like when I asked my boyfriend in my early 20’s, “Do you ever feel like you were meant to do something bigger?” To which he responded to me…nothing. Just a blank look…like I was crazy.
I want to be a change-maker and change lives. Maybe the world. I’m supposed to do something bigger. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am not in the shadow of anyone. I can propel myself. I’m going to use my inherent talents and network to build something new. Something big. Something that will one day put me on the cover of Forbes and Fortune magazines.
I want to lead a team, build something of value, grow a business, inspire and empower others. I want to speak, authentically, about my experiences, about growing a business, being a woman, the articles and subjects that I write about.
I want to allow my spirit and inner guide to soar. It’s time for that.
**A note from Christine: While I originally wrote this as a creative exercise to narrow my focus after I resigned as co-CEO from the company I helped build, I had zero intentions to share it publicly. In review of all of the writing I did in 2023 to prepare for the Unwinding Perfect blog, I thought this particular piece provided a unique lens into my thought processes one month after resigning. Because of that, I decided to incorporate it into the website and blog. It was interesting for me to look back on this and see how organically Unwinding Perfect evolved - having no clue at that time that a book would soon be written. In review of this piece, I also considered removing much of the brazen dreams that I state at the end. That was, until I handed it over to my editor and she provided the below note. Her constant encouragement and positive reinforcement through the writing process is the ONLY reason the Unwinding Perfect blog is being published She helped convince me that the stories I am telling are meaningful enough to share and could potentially bring value to someone, somewhere. THANK YOU Lauren!
***From Lauren, as written as a comment after editing this blog: “I debated adding something near the end that acknowledged how scary it is to put these big dreams out there, to say out loud what you believe you deserve. But... then I thought, "I only want to put that in because she is a woman, and, as a woman, it's not a celebrated thing to say you deserve XYZ. If this were a man writing, I wouldn't think twice about it." How fucked up is that? (Sorry for the language! But... it truly is fucked up that my mind goes there.) Anyway, I left it out. Because you, and I, and any human, regardless of gender, should be able to boldly declare their worth, their dreams, their power. Great job :)”
