In the In-Between
I like control. Actually, I used to like control. For much of my life, it served me well. In my childhood, my education, and my career, I liked knowing what “success” looked like, and then doing everything in my power to reach those pre-defined goals. Control meant predictable outcomes, and predictable outcomes meant I didn’t have to *feel* the tension of the in-between. The tension of the opposites. If I just did enough, worked enough, tried enough, then I could “control” – there was a lot I could DO to make things go well, to make sure things worked out.
Since stepping away from the inherent structure a controlled life necessitates, I’ve had to become more comfortable in the messy middle, where “success” isn’t so clearly defined. Although I’m thankful this self-discovery journey has broadened my perspective on “how to do life”, I simultaneously have to acknowledge there are aspects of my world that feel more challenging now. I constantly have to remind myself that the opposite of control is surrender – and some days that’s harder to embrace than others.
Today is one of those days.
Post-Unwinding Perfect and pre-(insert “whatever is next” here), I’m in the messy middle, the in-between, a stage full of unknowns. My heart knows this is where so much of the magic happens – where open space allows creativity and big thinking to converge to grow something new, something uniquely mine. But on days like today, my brain hasn’t caught up. It’s still working to break free of the decades-long conditioning that structure, goal-setting, and pushing through, is what creates success. I have to de-program the thinking that in order to reach “real” goals, you have to control every step of the process, from beginning to end.
I’m learning to live my life without expecting to be in control, which allows for flow and opportunities that may be missed otherwise. I’m moving through this in-between open to change and the unique kind of evolution that only comes from surrendering control. And on days like today when it feels hard, and my heart needs my brain to remember, I will remind myself:
I can embrace the unknown, and surrender control.
I can make a plan, but also accept I am not in control.
I can build, design, and grow comfortably, even through surrender.
I am free to run with new ideas, without knowing exactly what the future holds.
It matters to be, not just do.
By seceding control, I am open to new people, new work, and new feelings in ways that simply were not possible before. We will see what’s on the other side of this in-between, this tension of the opposites – but my inner knowing, the voice that keeps propelling me forward, tells me it will be something magical.
